Why Vaginal Childbirth Cannot be Considered a "Bonding Moment"

I have had a number of mothers who had C-sections bemoan to me how they felt shafted that they didn't have a beautiful birth experience wherein they bonded with their new baby through a vaginal delivery. Let me tell you sister - there is neither beauty nor bonding with that particular experience. The most beautiful thing about it is the epidural.

I don't know if I had a terrible labor or if I am just a wimp, but that ordeal was nearly unbearable. I was in labor for 44 hours. I went to the hospital when the contractions were 7 minutes apart, and after 4 hours with no change, they sent me home to suffer. Now, I laugh at my first trip - I was still able to smile and laugh when I arrived. And talk. And I wasn't crying. B tried to get me to eat dinner, but everything tasted like cardboard and truly, I had no appetite. We timed the contractions, and while they were getting more and more painful, they were not getting much closer together. I found that if I walked around, the contractions were less painful, but also more spread out. If I laid on the couch, they were closer together but also more painful. Eventually, after much crying and screaming in agony (poor B didn't know what to do and was scared witless), we decided to go back to the hospital. I may not have been ready to have the baby, but they had to do something. I had been in labor for roughly 29 hours at that point. Or maybe longer - my "Braxton-Hicks" contractions had gotten "really bad" about 29 hours earlier. Har har, joke's on me.

When we arrived, the nurse was taking me back to the maternity triage center, and I felt another contraction coming on. I stopped, grabbed the hand rail along the wall, bent over, and just started crying. Having not slept much at all the night before due to those really bad "Braxton-Hicks" nor sleeping at all that same night, I was too tired and could not take it anymore. They gave me a shot of morphine, which did precisely nothing. I still wasn't progressing, but I think the nurse took pity and said they would admit me. Once they got me into a room, they gave me a dose of something (Stadol, I believe), which the nurse equated to feeling very, very drunk. I was finally able to sleep, so I was happy. I do recall waking up at various points, either knowing that I was having a contraction and not caring, or feeling the full force of one but then falling right back asleep.

Sometime later (the timeline is a little fuzzy at this point), the pain medication began wearing off and it didn't take me that long to decide I most definitely wanted an epidural (there wasn't ever a real question, truly). Unfortunately (for both me and B, who had to put up with my screams), the anesthesiologist was busy, and so I had to wait. And wait. And scream. My room was right outside the nurses' station, and I bet they probably were pretty sick of hearing me yell. Finally, he came, and after 5 tries and some possible permanent nerve damage, I had an epidural. Hallelujah, I felt like a million bucks. I don't recall if they broke my water on the first pain med or the epidural, but at some point they did that. Did I mention I was also getting Pitocin? I don't recall when they started that, but I did have that all day as well.

I slept most of the day. I'd only wake to have the nurses switch me from side to side (the epidural settles to the bottom). Late that afternoon, the epidural began to wear off, so they gave me some more. Seriously, where can I get some of that stuff? Besides the very odd sensation of not being able to feel your lower half *what*so*ever* it was the greatest thing ever. Anyways, it was AFTER they gave me dose #2 that they decided to check me and found I was fully dilated. And I found out what they mean when they say that when you need to push, you NEED TO PUSH. It was a very distinct feeling. Due to the fresh dose of epidural, I pushed for about 2 minutes before I became very nauseous. So every other push, I got to throw up in one of those yellow plastic tubs. That was not fun. On the other hand, since I was fully drugged up, I felt nothing.

At 4:18pm, after 44 hours of knowing I was in labor, we had our beautiful baby boy. I admit, though, that I had a hard time concentrating on him, since the doctor was letting the resident (I think) stitch things up, and had to keep saying "No... No, don't do it like that... No, go over here and... No..." Um, please be careful with that, ok??

So no, I don't feel like I bonded in some special way by having a vaginal birth. I think carrying him inside of me for 9 months was way more of a bonding experience. And we all have that, so some degree. I do know that I will most definitely be requesting that epidural next time as well.